Category: Life

Similar to Her Dress // My Dress

 

It was the middle of the night, the first time you had hiccups. I giggled at the squeak. It was dark and your fuzzy hair was the softest thing I’d ever felt.

 

I remember your chest against mine, and how your head fit perfectly under my chin.

 

…. and thinking this is joy.

 

 

 

I read a lot of books on how to prepare for a baby. What to eat. How many lbs to gain. What to expect. The delivery. The placenta. Post partum tears. Episiotomies. Witch Hazel. Cribs. Nursing. And all the millions of things I thought I needed preparing for your arrival.

 

I knew what to do, I was prepared, or so I thought.

 

Holding you for the first time was the scariest and happiest thing to ever happen to me.

 

I was scared I would miss something after a longer-than-normal hospital stay and I wouldn’t be enough. We came home and I was on edge. A crazy happy looney newborn of my own sort.

 

 

 

I did not sleep when you slept, even though everyone counseled me to do so, I didn’t do anything except hold you. I couldn’t. I’d stare at you all day and watch you sleep all night. When you cried I got excited to hold you in my arms again and rock you in your room. I’d never been more excited to forego some sleep.

 

I wanted to watch you grow and crawl and play. Those first smiles melted any anger I’d ever held towards anyone. Your laughs made me want to be a better person. The first time you said you loved me, you made me well up inside and I knew this was the happiest I’d ever been.

 

You think you’re happy now sweet girl, and you are. But then they hand you this tiny person in your arms and the seams of your heart unravel. Slowly then suddenly your heart doubles in size. It came so naturally loving you. The feeling overwhelms you entirely and you feel as if you’re going to burst out of your chest. It’s truly indescribable.

 

 

So today I write to you, my beautiful daughter on this Mother’s Day:

 

You made me a mother. And I will love you more than anyone could ever try to.

I’d cross all the oceans in the world for you.

You will move mountains.

And make mistakes.

I’ll admire and beam during your highest highs and will love you more during your lowest lows.

I will always be a shoulder to cry on, a person to talk to, a friend, and your biggest fan.

But I will also teach you hard lessons, and I know you’ll think you hate me.

Have courage and be kind.

Don’t ever be afraid to speak up. You don’t have to be loud but you do need to be brave.

Not everyone you encounter will like you, and that’s ok.

Love yourself immensely because you are amazing.

 

Love,

 

the girl you made a mother

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shout out to the amazingly talented Erin K Photography, for these beautiful photos I will cherish forever. Find more of her work here.

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RED HURLEY TOP (SIMILAR HERE): PACSUN / OAKLEY SUNGLASSES: ZUMIEZ / STEVE MADDEN SUNGLASSES (SIMILAR HERE): STEVE MADDEN BLACK & WHITE SWIMSUIT (SIMILARLY CUTE): TARGET /  BABY BOY SWIM: TARGET /  BABY BOY BUCKET HAT (IN BLUE): GYMBOREE /  PINEAPPLE SUNNIES (SIMILARLY CUTE) : TARGET / STRIPED TODDLER SWIM (SIMILARLY CUTE & ON SALE): BABY GAP

 

This last weekend, we drove 12 hours (6 there, 6 back), with our 2 little antsy kids, to spend 30 hours down in Page, AZ. I swear packing our bags took longer than the time we spent having fun haha.

 

Wow, why would you do that to yourself? *grin* Last-year-me would have said, I know right? But this-year-me would sit last-year-me down and say we did it for family time at Lake Powell. Unlike Jake, I did not grow up boating (so the packing & planning that goes into it still stresses me out), but I have since learned to love it. My absolute favorite thing to do in the world is watch my little ones take it all in. This was Charlotte’s first Powell trip and man was it worth my insanity.

 

The water was perfect, the weather was divine, and the company wasn’t bad either. This weekend was exactly what I needed. We got some sun, played in the sand, and I drank way too much Dr. Pepper. This was definitely the perfect way to end our summer.

 

This year I’m making my resolutions in September, since making them in January never seems to work out for me HA! But seriously, my kiddos are growing up way too fast. I want to get better at letting the little things go, not sweating the small stuff and enjoying this.

 

So here’s to September & the rest of 2016! Ttyl Summer. It’s been rad.

Lil

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